The last few months have been some of the hardest i’ve ever lived through. So much so that I was honestly dreading the new year as the potability of homelessness was becoming very, very real. I have been trying not too talk too much about it until the dust settled and I could say with some degree of certainty what my future was looking like and I think now I’m ready to do that.
So first off, what happened? Well, it’s hard to talk about because because I don’t know how much can be said without making issues for people involved, but I will try. For the past few years I’ve been living with my mother and step-father out of financial necessity. Once I got back in school, however, I had a plan: by the start of winter quarter of 2017 (which starts in January), I’d start looking for a place of my own. Either with room mates or a cheap apartment by my self. I’ve planned, I’ve saved and I’ve busted my ass to keep my fanatical aid. But at the start of this quarter, shit hit the fan. Within an hour of me getting home the day school started back in September I had to call the cops on my step father for assault.
This, as I’m sure you can imagine, caused some stress around my house. One of the ways it did was in how it changed my plan for next quarter. While I was already planning on moving out, it was also assured that I would have a home for as long as it took for me to find a place. Now, I have to be out by the end of January. That’s not even the worst of it. My step father was released without having to post bail, so for the last few months I’ve been living with a man who isn’t too keen on me (to put it mildly) and have been forced to live in fear of being fucking murdered every time I go get food or have to run to the bathroom.
Living like that began to take a tool on my grades too. I was really beginning to do poorly in once class (it was online, which meant most of it was done at home), and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to bring up the grade in time. If I failed this class, it was very likely I’d also lose my financial aid. If I lost that, I’d have almost no cash to move out with, which meant that by January 31, I’d be homeless because I still have to be out by then.
I honestly cannot tell you how scared I’ve been for the last few weeks.
But I managed. I’m passing the class by the skin of my teeth, bu I’m passing. So as long as I don’t competently bomb my finals in my other two classes, I’m set for next quarter. And personally, I’m feeling really, really good about both my upcoming tests.
And that’s were i’ve been at personally and mentally for the last few months. But what has that got to do with the site? Well, here’s the plan:
I’m about half way though Aragami which is the last of the late reviews I have too do. So I’m going to use the time between now and finals to complete that, and I plan on getting a review out before the end of the month. Come the third of next quarter, after getting books i’ll know what i’ve got to work with in terms of rent money, so I’ll be looking for a place. I’m hoping to get a room mate, someone with internet so I don’t have to just stop, but I may have to update the site from school between classes until I can get my own internet. But I don’t plan on just stopping, not any time soon. But, once classes start my output might look like it did this quarter: when every I could get around to it. I can’t go through this whole “might fail and go homeless” thing again. I just….i just can’t.
For the first time in a long time I honestly feel really optimistic about the future. I’ve spent so long dreading the end of this quarter, that to know that I’m not dead in the water just yet is a huge relief. Well, that’s it for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope you’re doing better that i’ve been. Normally this is where I say that I’m “headed back to the lab”, but I think a more accurate thing to say is “i’m headed to bed”.
Until next time.