Nintendo’s Dastardly Scheme to Sell more Switch Units: Dark Souls

You ever get mad at a game and throw your controller? I bet you have. We’ve all done it once or twice. Well, i think i just figured out Nintendo’s plan in increase revenue for the foreseeable future: Dark Souls. With the announcement that the incredibly difficult game will be coming to Nintendo’s portable system, i can only imagination they are hoping people are going to throw the entire thing at a wall when playing in portable mode, forcing them to buy a new Switch console after every few bosses. It’s just the kind of evil genius we should have expected from the company that first leaned to weaponize nostalgia.

Okay, before Nintendo sues me into oblivion, no i don’t really think that’s their plan. But that headline was too good not to use and you know, you just know, that story’s like that will start popping up right after release. But if i’m being completely honest, i’m okay with this but i don’t really see the point as much as i do with other ports the Switch has been getting lately. The games that have done the best are the ones you can play portable, and i don’t think that’s true for Dark Souls. Boss fights can last for a while, and simply getting to them can take just as long. That kind of extended play session runs counter to the reasons portable gaming is a thing. I’ll be the first to say i could be wrong here, hell i’ll even go so far as to say i hope i am. But for right now that thought is hard to get rid of. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens in a few months.

Doom and Wolfenstein 2 are coming to Switch

Unlike most people, I don’t believe Nintendo need third party support the way Microsoft and Sony do. They could easily keep keep themselves afloat with just their first party IP’s. That’s not to say, however, that i don’t want them to be more competitive in the console market, and third party support would help there. The fact they don’t need 3rd party games also means there’s no real reason not to have them on their platform. This kind of thing can only be good for everyone involved.

And so we come to todays big news: Bethesda is bringing Doom and Wolfenstein 2 to the Switch. And like i said, this is good for everyone. Nintendo is going to get it’s cut, Bethesda gets to bring it’s games to a new audience and gamers get at least one more really solid game for their console (yes, yes, i’m looking foreword to Wolfenstein 2  as well, but i haven’t played it so i’m not going to say it’s “good” yet. But let’s face it, the game will most likely kick ass). Plus, Nintendo gets the added benefit of diversifying their library with a genre they (to my knowledge) have never made before without having to do any work. And, unless these ports are really, really bad, this should also help get rid of the idea that the Switch isn’t “powerful” enough to handle AAA titles, which in tern should help persuade more studio’s to port their titles to the console as well.

Mario/Rabbisds RPG is real…for some reason


There’s this “really funny” joke people like to make regarding Nintendo, maybe you’ve heard it before: “Nintendo just does the same thing over and over”. You see, it’s funny becuase we’re going to ignore the aesthetic and game play shack-ups and focus on the fact that each game uses an established formula in order to make those shake-ups more palpable.  Well, here you go you finest of comedians, Nintendo is doing something new. And stupid.

Okay, okay. Before any one jumps down my throat, yes i wish Nintendo would do more in the “originality” department too. Maybe develop some more new IP’s, maybe do something with some of their old ones (cough cough Metroid cough cough). But over all i really do think the idea that Nintendo is simply resting on their laurels is a bit over blown. I also think that public perception is starting to get to Nintendo, which has lead them down a dark and very stupid path.

I mean….just look at this. LOOK AT IT. Mario with a gun? A Cosplaying “Rabbisd” dressed as Peach taking a selfie? This is just, so….so dumb. This is what you get when you force Nintendo to be too creative.

Okay, okay. I’m being a little hyperbolic. Just a bit. Dumb idea’s often make for good games, so it’s kind of unfair to judge too prematurely.

Playtonic to JonTron: Nazi Punks Fuck Off

It would seem that Playtonic had once brought on famed Youtuber and recently self-exposed Xenophobe Jontron for some voice work in their up coming game Yooka-Laylee. That partnership seems to have been ended after JonTron…well…you know….went on a racist rant about how immigrant are evil. While the games odd language and vocal distortions could have made it easy to hard hide the fact Playtonic were working with him, it’s nice to see people taking a stand against this kind of hatred and bigotry. Really the only bad thing about this story was i couldn’t settle on which version of “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” to post, so i had to use both. And that’s a good problem to have.

Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment Trailer and Impressions

Shovel Knight may very well be one of my all time favorite games. I liked it so much in fact that i played through “Plague of Shadows”in one go in order to get a review up for the team i was working with at the time. With that said i think it’s pretty obvious that i’ve been super excited for any and all updates as to what Yacht Club Games had in store. And holy shit did they deliver.

If there was one complaint to be had with “Plague of Shadows” it was that the levels felt way to similar to each other. While that did make playing as the vastly different Plague Knight easier as you were more learning how to get through the same environments in new ways, if it wasn’t for just how fun it was to play as the new character the game would have been rather samey. From the look of this trailer that doesn’t seem to be the case. Some of the levels look unrecognizable, and several of the bosses look like they’ve been totally reworked too. All of that plus Specter Knight looks to have his own vastly different skill set to set him apart from his playable peers. I can’t lie, that makes me really excited to get mu hands on this as soon as possible. Really the only disappointing thing about this and the rest of the planed DLC is that it means we have a good while to wait until we see what else Yacht Club has up their sleeves.

The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild: Nintendo’s M rated Zelda game?


If you thought Twilight Princes was Nintendo’s attempt at the whole “Dark and Gritty” aesthetic, you haven’t seen anything yet. Apparently the bright and almost cartoonish looking Breath of the Wild is going to be much dark than anyone expected. So much so that the game is going to be rated M for Mature….

In Australia were the rating more akin to a T here in the states.

Sorry about the bait and switch there, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up. But yes, the upcoming Nintendo game has been rated M by the Australian rating board for “Moderately Impactful Fantasy Violence”. While i’m sure some were hoping that the cheerful look of the game was hiding some dark and gruesome secret up its sleeve, it would appear the game will be business as usual. Personally, i think that will be for the best.



Nintendo Switch (Finally) Gets Announced

After ages of rumors, the new Nintendo console has finally been announced. And it’s pretty much exactly what we were all thinking it was: a console-portable hybrid. That alone doesn’t bother me, i think this is an interesting idea an exactly the kind of hardware experiment i was expecting for a new Nintendo console. But as this is so much like what we’ve been hearing, i have to ask why they waited so long to release this trailer. With the sole exception of the move back to cart based games instead of disks, this is pretty much spot on what all the rumors i’ve heard were claiming. But let’s not focus on that right now. This trailer showed some more important things i want to talk bout, plus there’s some other news i found when looking through my news feed.

First off: Skyrim. While everyone makes jokes about how Nintendo rehashes the same franchises over and over, the fact is that you buy a Nintendo console for Nintendo games. With that being said, 3rd party support will never hurt a console, and this is looking like the first time Nintendo will actually have some since the N64 (and lets be honest, the gamecube was still pretty much “The Nintendo Box” even with the support it had). So for Nintendo to have Skyrim in the trailer so prominently leads me to think they are trying to make up for two console generations of too few games. Plus, Nintendo also released this image…

download…which also gives me a good bit of hope for what the console may be able to put out in the future.

However, there was one bit of information the trailer didn’t show, and that was the price. The Wii and The WiiU both stayed near the low end in terms of price compared to their competition. I’m hoping that continues, but i’ve seen a Swedish and Australian pre-order campaign for the Switch that may suggest otherwise.


Going off of what some one told me, those both are around $1100. That worries me. To be fair, the  EB Games listing does say it’s price of a “placeholder”, so my dread may be undo. But if Nintendo is going to try going toe to toe with Microsoft and Sony instead of just playing to their fan base, they are going to need toch that can stand up to the PS4 and Xbox One, and those are both costly machines. So at the very least i think we should be looking at around the $400-$500 price range. That seems fair when compared to the tech that’s out, But with the WiiU only being four years old and coming after a generation that lasted nearly a decade, that may be too much too soon for a lot of people. That is pure speculation on my end and i am not an economics major, but i think it’s something to keep an eye on nonetheless.

Other than that i kind of love everything we’ve seen here. This has actually made me consider buying a Nintendo console for the first time in ages and i can’t wait too see more from it.

All of that and i didn’t even make one BDSM joke regarding the name “Switch”. I’m either really proud or really disappointed in myself.