Nintendo’s Dastardly Scheme to Sell more Switch Units: Dark Souls

You ever get mad at a game and throw your controller? I bet you have. We’ve all done it once or twice. Well, i think i just figured out Nintendo’s plan in increase revenue for the foreseeable future: Dark Souls. With the announcement that the incredibly difficult game will be coming to Nintendo’s portable system, i can only imagination they are hoping people are going to throw the entire thing at a wall when playing in portable mode, forcing them to buy a new Switch console after every few bosses. It’s just the kind of evil genius we should have expected from the company that first leaned to weaponize nostalgia.

Okay, before Nintendo sues me into oblivion, no i don’t really think that’s their plan. But that headline was too good not to use and you know, you just know, that story’s like that will start popping up right after release. But if i’m being completely honest, i’m okay with this but i don’t really see the point as much as i do with other ports the Switch has been getting lately. The games that have done the best are the ones you can play portable, and i don’t think that’s true for Dark Souls. Boss fights can last for a while, and simply getting to them can take just as long. That kind of extended play session runs counter to the reasons portable gaming is a thing. I’ll be the first to say i could be wrong here, hell i’ll even go so far as to say i hope i am. But for right now that thought is hard to get rid of. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens in a few months.

Dark Souls Trilogy Box Set Announced. In other news, Heaven is Real

darksoulstrilogy

Something something ports of last gen games are bad something something….look, i’m biased here, ok. Dark Souls in my all time favorite game and this is a simply stunning collection. A Remastered Dark Souls 1, along with the other two games in the franchise, 6 CD set of the soundtrack, plus bookends art work and an item encyclopedia….yeah, i’m into it ok. What i’m not into is the saddening $450 price tag and the fact that this has only been announced in Japan for the moment. So even if i could afford it, there’s no grantee it’ll even be available to me. However, i’d be lying if i said i expect this to stay only in Japan. Dark Souls began life as a niche title for hardcore games who wanted a little more bite in their games, and then became a worldwide sensation. Simply look at how often Dark Souls is used as a point of comparison (for good or ill) and it’s hard not to say it’s the most influential game of the last generation. As such i’m sure From Software is going to ring as much as they can out of the franchise while they can. And so long as they are providing material as extravagant as this, i’m ok with that.

Hey Look, Some Actual Satire from South Park: The Fractured But Whole

south park fractured but whole difficulty

South Park is trash. It’s always been trash. That’s okay, but it has always annoyed me when people try to pass off it’s trashiness by calling it “satire”.  The only thing South Park has ever been interested in saying was “everyone who cares about anything is stupid”. I really hate to break it to you ladies and gentlemen, but that isn’t satire.

But, i do believe in giving the devil his due. And as such, The new South Park game does have at least one instance of creative and poignant satire. The difficulty of the game is based on your characters race. The darker your character, the harder the game is. In a world were literal neo-nazi’s and white supremacist are marching down the street and African America’s are still disproportionately targets of police brutality,  this still shows a certain…cultural awareness i wasn’t expecting from the makers of South Park. It’s still possible (and lets face it, more than likely) that the game will end up wasting the ability to really say something about race relations in modern America, but if our choices are between “lack-luster satire” and the kind of “you know, BLM and the KKK are pretty much the same thing” that you’d expect from Trey Parker and Matt Stone, i’ll go with the former.